Count Bubba Rants
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Give Thanks for Family
Mon. 11/30/09
It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness. I hope all of you had lots of good fun over the recent Thanksgiving Holiday! Hope you had lots of turkey and dressing and cranberry sauce. The sauce is my personal favorite because of the rich red color. The only think I hope you didn't have is lots of family drama.
Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of reflection and -- well, giving thanks for our blessings. This task is traditionally accomplished over huge amounts of food while basking in the bosom of family. I should know, because I'm a bosom basker from way back. But spending time with relatives and in-laws can be trying.
Some families are just an argument waiting to happen. They'll fight over politics, religion, or even the merits of white meat over dark. Anyway, for those of you with difficult families you can relax now because it's all over. You won't have to spend time with them again for 25 whole days, and THAT is something for all you poor schmucks from disfunctional families to be thankful for!
A Thanksgiving Mystery
Thur. 11/26/09
It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness. I was wondering something. I know it may sound far-fetched because they're Brits and may not even celebrate Thanksgiving today, but do you think that when Sharon Osborne sets the platter with the turkey on the table in front of Ozzie, that he'll carve it with a knife and a fork, or just bite the head off?
Who Cares About Healthcare
Wed. 8/11/09
It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness! And I want to write about the hubub surrounding healthcare. As an undead creature of the night, I don't worry about my health too much. When I get an urge to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. As for my diet, it is a strict one-- limited mostly to sanguinary fluids, distilled spirits, and raw red meat smoothies. But anyone who isn't a vampire has to worry about their health and step one to living a long and healthy life should be to do whatever you can to make sure those weasels in Washington DON'T get anywhere near the healthcare industry. Beleive Bubba, he I can spot a bloodsucker from a mile away and this bill would suck all the life out of a huge part of the economy.
Sure, I haven't read the bill personally, but face it-- neither have any of the buffoons that are going to vote for it. If you're a glutton for misery or have trouble sleeping, go here to read the thing. It's only 1,018 pages long. Let's look at a few of the great things you can look forward to when this bill passes. Talk about being hazardous to your health, this legislation has it all!
Of course the the whole idea is to cut costs, but the one and only method of cutting those costs is to ration and deny medical care. There is no focus on preventing people from getting sick.
There's going to be a National Health Care Board. Oh boy, a bunch of unelected nimrods will have the ability to "approve or reject treatment for patients based on the cost per treatment divided by the number of years the patient will benefit from the treatment." When you do the math that means that if you are over 65 or have been recently diagnosed with an advanced form of heart disease or an aggressive form of cancer you might as well pick out your coffin. I'd be happy to help, Bubba loves to go new coffin shopping.
You're probably saying "Oh this could never happen?" If you are saying that then my advice is look at Great Britain and Canada. Their healthcare is "free", and it sucks! What the government wants to do is give "free" healthcare to everyone in the country, and the only way to do that is to make everyone who has decent healthcare give it up and trade it in for healthcare that sucks.
Another thing that the government plan mandates is a new Federal Coordinating Council For Comparative Effectiveness Research, the whole purpose of this bloated bunch of bureaucrats is "to slow the development of new medications and technologies in order to reduce costs." Boy that sounds hopeful, doesn't it. All of you out there waiting for cures for diabetes, cancer, muscular distrophy, A.I.D.S., toenail fungus, gum disease and whatever the heck ails you can rest easy. The government is on the case and doing all it can to slow things down. Planning on doing a "fun run" or marathon, or bike race to raise money for medical research-- relax, you don't have to run anymore, you can just walk.
Under the government plan those pesky doctors and hospitals will be overseen and reviewed by The National Coordinator For Health Information and Technology. This "coordinator" will "monitor treatments being delivered to make sure doctors and hospitals are strictly following government guidelines that are deemed appropriate." Rest easy because those pesky "Doctors and hospitals not adhering to guidelines will face penalties." That means that if your doctor or your hospital cures you of some illness and the treatment used isn't approved by the government, it could mean six figure fines and maybe even a stretch in the Big House.
Section 102 is entitled "Protecting the Choice to Keep Current Coverage." If you read carefully, what this section really says is that it is going to be illegal to keep your private insurance if your status changes. So if you lose your job or get a better job with another company, or retire from your job, or graduate from college and get your first real job, keeping your old plan will be . . . You guessed it-- AGAINST THE LAW! (Here's a helpful hint for interpreting the purpose of bills introduced in Congress-- if the title is something like "The Freedom to Fart in Public Act" you can count on the bill having the opposite effect it's name implies. Instead, the bill usually creates some government agency to regulate farts, and also to regulate any food substance known to mankind that might possibly result in any kind of internal gaseous build up. In short it will place as many restrictions on passing gas as possible, unless, of course, you're a member of Congress, since they always exempt themselves and never have to obey any of the laws they pass.)
Ah but that's nothing compared to Section 1233. This section deals with "Advanced Care Planning." After each American turns 65 years of age, not only do they get to enter the totally bankrupt Ponzi scheme known as Social Security, they also get to go to a mandatory counseling program that is designed to help you cope with the fact that rationing of health care will most likely result in the end of your life coming sooner than you want. If that doesn't depress you or get you so mad that a blood vessel bursts in your brain and you die immediately, you get to come back every 5 years. Of course if you've developed a chronic illness then you have to attend a counseling session every year. Some of the topics for discussion during this uplifting session will include, "how to decline hydration, nutrition, and how to initiate hospice care."
The government says we need nationalized healthcare because there are 47 million people out there who can't get in to see a doctor. That has to be true right? Don't you see people dying in the streets every time you go to the grocery store? Please note that this 47 million figure is produced using government math. Here's a quick refresher couse in government math: Last year the buget included 10 million dollars to save the Red Crested Belching Slime Toad. This year Democrats want to spend 40 million dollars to save the toad, but the Republicans only want to spend 20 million dollars. This equals a "cut" of 30 million dollars. This formula expressed in government math terms is:
20 million dollars < 10 million dollars
because we wanted to spend 40 million dollars
If this healthcare bill passes you can expect a slightly different but equally riduculous formula to apply to almost every aspect of your life.
government spending = countless trillions of dollars
your freedom = zero